Smashed
by The-Butterses
Summary: Allen and Lavi finally extract revenge on their long time enemy Daiysia Barry, but what cost will they have to pay for that revenge? No shipping. Rated M for language and surprise acid.


**So this story was inspired by a bunch of stories I collected from friends about just crazy situations. Most of the crap that happens in here is based off true events, and some I added in for shits and giggles. I'll let you read it and figure out which is which then let you know at the end ;)**

Smashed.

The mild June sun of the North West shone out over the Microsoft centered city of Redmond. The evergreens were growing baby pine cones, and the maples, often seen a dismal and lifeless gray, were overflowing with leafy life and vibrant green. It was late afternoon, around four pm, when the average every day bustle from Avondale street was disturbed by hooping and yelling.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YA!" A short man in his latest teen years ran across the sidewalk which was still covered partly by pines from last fall's leaf turning. He stopped short, looking across to where the Safeway was partnered with the local Rite Aid and two Starbucks, before snorting and going back the opposite direction. There was a very sincere pout to his walk, jingling the odd bell hat atop his head.

Once the jingle-hatted individual had disappeared around the bend, two teens of dissimilar age giggled childishly and slunk back into the woodsy cover near an apartment complex.

"Dude, he's totally gone!" Lavi, a tall red headed boy of nineteen years with a singular eye that forced him to wear an eye patch at all times, grinned from ear to ear and held up their stolen goodies.

"That's what he gets for taking our chicken dinner on New Year's Eve." A sixteen year old boy with white hair, gray-silver eyes and an obnoxious looking scar on the left side of his face snickered just as heavily as his friend, feeling the vengeful justice seeking into his veins from going through with their plan to get back at the jingle-hatted person. "Who knew Daiysia was even into baking cookies?"

"Ch-ya! And geeze, dude; look at all of these! There's gotta be like twenty of them in this bag alone. What do you think he was making all of them for, Allen?"

Allen, the aptly named white haired teen, sniffed disdainfully and grabbed the bag from Lavi's fingers. "Nothing good, I can tell you. Probably another of his stoner parties."

"Yeah, those guys would probably go through a lot of cookies…" The red head frowned, inspecting the delicious looking pastries carefully. "You don't think they're weed cookies, do ya?"

Allen wrinkled his nose. "No way. That kind of thing is usually pretty easy to smell…"

"Yeah, that is true…" Lavi cracked open the bag and took a good sniff. "They would smell like dirty sponges or something, but they just smell like good cookies." He grinned. "Hell yeah dude, we're dinin' on the sweet taste of victory tonight."

They headed further down the road after Daiysia had long since passed them going in the direction opposite of their destination. The two were feeling pretty good about themselves, parading the bag of cookies like it was some sort of trophy, until they came to an uphill route which held home to a specific individual's house.

"Kanda will definitely want some cookies stolen from Daiysia." Lavi snickered.

"I don't understand why we even include him in anything. It's not like he helped," Allen grumbled, rolling his eyes to express his sincere dislike of their so-called 'friend'. "All he does is get mad we even want to be around him, then he makes every good moment a bad one."

The older red head gave a small smile that Allen assumed was supposed to be meaningful, but Lavi's mouth was so lopsided he just looked like he was insinuating some dirty joke like the ruffians in cowboy movies. "Yeah, but if we weren't his bros, he wouldn't have any."

"Good riddance," Allen muttered under his breath.

They reached the door on the second story, giving three wraps, despite knowing Kanda would never answer and they'd have to invite themselves in anyway. Lavi turned the knob and stepped in, shouting: "Yu! We know you're in here! You're car's outside, ya can't hide forever!"

A clatter of what sounded like a breaking plate sounded off down the hall where the kitchen was located. A tall Asian man with long hair drawn back in a pony-tail flew into the living room where Lavi and Allen stood, brandishing a sharp katana.

"What the fuck are you guys doing in my house?"

"Yu, chill out, man!" Lavi held up both hands in surrender. "We came with tidings of peace, not war!"

"Your peace can suck my dick." Kanda snarled, his upper lip curling like that of an angry dog. "What the hell's in your hand?"

Allen looked to where Kanda's eyes gestured, glancing to the bag of cookies.

"Oh dude, it's just cookies." Lavi gave a toothy smile and held them up enticingly. "Stolen from your numero uno least favorite person."

Kanda raised an eyebrow. "Moyashi?"

"Name's Allen moron," the white haired teen snapped. "And no. Why on earth would I steal my own cookies?"

"Shut up." Kanda retorted. Then shifting to Lavi: "If they weren't stolen from the bean sprout's house, then whose were they taken from?" It was funny to Allen the interest Kanda had in something as primitive as stolen food. The guy had issues.

"Daiysia." Lavi raised his eyebrow, giving the package a little shake for emphasize. "He chased us half way down Avondale for these. They must be good."

"Or drugged, fuckwad." The long haired man of twenty years stalked over and grabbed the cookies out of the red head's hand. He opened the zip block seal and gave a preemptive sniff. "They don't smell like pot…"

"Right? Totally clean, bro. We already checked." Lavi elbowed Allen lightly, getting a quick smack from the younger male. "So you wanna take a bite out of justice or what?"

Kanda stared hard, seeming to think over whether or not the cookies were a hazard. "I don't think I've ever heard of other drugs being cooked into food…" He creased his eyebrows and frowned even further. As if finalizing his verdict he took out a pastry and took a bite. "I'm gonna wait thirty minutes, and if I don't feel any sort of buzz then we can eat the rest and they're probably safe." He shoved the rest in his mouth then grabbed a few more and threw the bag to Lavi and Allen. "I'll call you if I start tripping or some shit."

"That was rather brave of you to sacrifice yourself as a guinea pig." Allen snorted, earning a middle finger from his disagreeable acquaintance and a nudge from Lavi.

"Rather him than us, dude. Kanda's already done the whole ganja thing, so if anyone would know, he would."

"I didn't do this for you." Kanda pointed his sword at them both and scowled. "If those are legit I'm takin' the whole bag. I have more right to extract revenge on that bastard than either of you-"

"Now hold the phone!" Allen stepped forward to shove his face towards Kanda's. "We stole these fair and square! You didn't do diddly!"

"Does a knight get the same reward for getting the King's bounty than the King himself?" The older male put another cookie in his mouth, gnashing pointedly. "You're all garbage compared to me, so obviously the prize is mine."

"No, fuck that!" Lavi put a hand on his hip. "Dude we were gonna share these with you 'cause we thought you'd want to partake in our sweet revenge. Not so you could take all the glory!"

"Told you it was a bad idea, we should have just eaten them without him."

"Shut your mouth, Moyashi."

"Speak English, I can't understand your insults." Allen stuck out his tongue immaturely, earning a tooth grinding glare from Kanda. "Strike a nerve, did I?"

"Alright you red coated-!"

"Guys!" Lavi stepped in between the two and held them at a distance. "We have lost sight of the over-all goal, my amigos!" He ceremoniously raised the bag in front of the two with that crooked cowboy smile. "We have performed an act of warfare valor, and fighting amongst ourselves will only deter us of the ultimate goal."

Allen raised his eyebrows at the intelligent comparison Lavi had just spouted. _'He's probably been hanging on to that line for at least forty minutes just aching for a time to use it.'_

"You already got the fucking cookies, what more of a goal is there than that?" Kanda leered at the one eyed red head like he was inspecting rotten food.

"Yu, my buddy. You miss the point." Lavi dodged a swing from Kanda's blade and side-stepped (more like danced) with a twirl behind Allen.

"Don't use me as a shield!" Allen shoved Lavi off and ran to a far corner of the room, wanting nothing to do with the two older knuckleheads.

"Al, chill! I was joking!" He was cut short by a poke to his nose by the tip of the deadly looking saber. "Dude, do ya think you could, I dunno, maybe not point killer weapons at my face?"

"Don't call me by my first name, phlemwad."

"Alright, whatever." Lavi shoved the sword away from his face and gave a huff. "Anyways. The ultimate goal, the end all be all, the crème de la fruitsy or whatever the fuck you call it, is eating the whole bag of cookies, then taking the empty bag back and putting it under Daiysia's pillow so one night when he wakes up in the middle of the night or is cleaning his room and he finds it, he never forgets the defeat he suffered at our hands." He held out both his hands like he was trying to impersonate Christ on the cross, going so far as to close his eye and conform to a solemn expression of calm serenity. All of that was broken however, by the red head's uncontainable personality. "So how's that? It's good right?"

"Fucking retard." Kanda shoved another cookie in his mouth and stomped off into the deeper recesses of his town house. "For the record, there's no flavor in these indicating any weird shit, so feel free to eat the bag and take the bag back or whatever stupid fucking thing you were going to do."

After the absence of their less agreeable companion (if one could even call him something like that), Lavi and Allen decided it would be a good idea to leave. They left the small side street that surrounded the cul-de-sac of town houses and small homes, heading back down Avondale towards Allen's apartment.

"Wait." Allen stopped a few steps short of the sign reading _Welcome to the Colony_ that gated the entrance to his complex. "Wouldn't Daiysia look for us in one of our houses?"

Lavi grabbed his third cookie out of the bag and chewed on it thoughtfully. "You're probably right… Well what about Anderson?"

"The park?"

"No, the grocery store. Allen, there's only one Anderson in all of the city."

"You don't have to be an arse about it."

"Chill." Lavi looked back down the long length of Avondale's road that would lead them to the park. "We've already walked all this way though… We could just lock the door. Not like he's gonna break in for some cookies."

Allen grabbed his fourth cookie since walking from Kanda's house and devoured it messily. The image closely mirrored that of a lion marring an antelope. "We don't know that, the bloke has a way with taking out his anger."

"True…" Lavi put a finger to his chin. "I guess we'd do better to go to Anderson then, or even better! We should go to Lenalee's and tell her about it."

"What? No!" The younger teen shook his head. "Absolutely not! She hates stuff like this."

"Dude, she'd totally be down for our story."

"No she wouldn't. She already thinks our feud with Daiysia and his crew is ridiculous."

"That's because it's guy stuff, Allen." Lavi squinted. "Chicks don't understand."

"I don't think that's it."

While arguing where to go they traveled back the way they had just been walking, moving to go back into town and maybe find someone they could share their epic tale with. The unusual looking pair had made it all the way down the long road and were about to cross over to Anderson when Allen half turned back to see Kanda hurtling after them.

"What the-?"

"DON'T FUCKING EAT THOSE COOKIES!" Lavi barely had enough time to make a sound before the Asian man had grabbed him by both the shoulders and started shaking him substantially. "DON'T PUT THEM IN YOUR MOUTH, DON'T FUCKING CONSUME THAT SHIT!"

Allen's heart started to race as a quick spike of fear piqued up in his gut. "Wh-why? Are they poisoned?" Before awaiting the answer he fumbled about for his phone and checked the time. It had been a little over an hour and a half since had left Kanda's home, and the man told them if after thirty minutes nothing happened they'd be fine…

"IS THAT THE BAG?" Kanda grabbed the zip lock bag which now only contained about four cookies from the initial twenty or so that had been in there. He tossed it to the ground and stomped on it, smashing it like it was going to bring unspeakable harm to him.

"Dude, settle down! What the hell happened to you? You said they were fine!" Allen could see Lavi was freaking out now too, especially with the disheveled appearance of their ruffian friend.

"I thought they'd be fine, because they didn't smell or taste like anything… But fuck no, dude! No, hell the fuck no! There's bad shit in them! I think it might be fuckin' acid, man!"

"A-acid?" Lavi gave a nervous laugh, glancing at Allen quickly before trying to appear calm. "You said yourself that you'd call us within thirty minutes if something was up, remember? How do we know this isn't some joke?"

"I THOUGHT MY PHONE WAS A FUCKING ZOMBIE RAPTOR AND I STABBED IT! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU WITH A ZOMBIE RAPTOR?" It was at this point Allen noticed Kanda looking about and swatting at the air like it was filled with wasps. A desperate urge to run somewhere safe or cry came over him and he subconsciously found himself pulling on locks of his white hair in stress.

"Are we… Going to be ok…?" He asked Lavi, looking to his best friend for some sort of support.

"We started eating those things thirty minutes after leaving Yu's house, right?" There was no threat from Kanda for once at the use of his first name. "Which means we don't have much time to get somewhere before we start tripping hardcore. I suggest my house and we hustle it."

"A-are we really gonna…?" Allen was going to finish his statement, but became distracted with the cars on the road. Every single one that passed by was yellow. Were there ever that many yellow cars in Redmond? "Yellow…"

"What?" Lavi turned about, shifting his eye about as if he was expecting to be jumped at any minute. "Al, you alright?"

"All the cars are yellow…"

"Yeah we better fuckin' bust out now…" Lavi grabbed his younger friend by the arm and lead him along as the white haired teen watched the cars go from all being yellow, to all being yellow Volkswagen beetles.

"Lavi…?"

"Yeah, man?"

"Are we gonna die?"

"No, dude, You can't overdose on LCD. Right, Yu?"

"WHEN DID MY HANDS BECOME FUCKING CLAWS!"

"Right."

Allen lugged his head over to look over at Kanda, confused as to why his skin was now neon blue with stripes. "Lavi how far?" He felt the words kind of slide out of his mouth like sluggish oatmeal, but didn't find it hard to express them. It was just weird feeling…

"Don't know, dude… This road goes on forever…"

The white haired teen glanced up at his friend who was still holding his arm, being slightly taken aback by the bright pink color of his hair and high lighter yellow of his skin. He then assessed the road in front of them, stopping and lurching Lavi to a halt with him at the sight of the side walk.

"Al?"

"Are we in a river?" It didn't feel like normal water… More like a fuzzy tide lightly tugging and whispering around his ankles. What had once been the side walk was now a narrow stream of vibrant colors that disappeared behind a building that seemed to reach into the purple sky like one of New York's skyscrapers. "Woah…"

Lavi stopped and stared around, his face becoming doubled or distorted as he moved it. "Dude I don't know where we are…"

"Weren't we by Anderson?"

"Last time I checked Anderson was full of laughing trees…"

"What?"

Now the fear started to set in that they were never going to make it to Lavi's house, or any safe place in general since they couldn't recognize anything around them.

"ROCKETS." Kanda, who was now teen feet tall and had poka-dotted hair pointed across what Allen assumed was the road since yellow beetles kept blazing back and forth.

"All I see are black blobs…" Lavi commented.

"FUCKING ROCKETS."

"Yellows…"

Lavi stopped in the middle of the stream Allen was hallucinating about and seemed to be trying to get ahold of his surroundings. "We are literally in the worst place…"

"We're gonna die…" The youngest lamented.

"No… we'll go lay down in Anderson's field until we get better. This only lasts like an hour or two, right Yu? Yu?"

Allen turned back to see no Kanda, or from what he could gather that was the case. "I think he's gone…"

"Dude, this is so bad… We can't lose him, we need to stick together!" Lavi grabbed a tighter hold onto Allen's arm and looked at him eye to eye. Unfortunately for Allen, Lavi's eye was a fluctuating flower that changed colors and his hair had become frizzled wisps waving at him. He let out a yelp and almost jumped away before trying to tell himself none of this was real. _But it's what I'm seeing! I can feel the river on my feet-!_

"Anderson it is…" He gulped and stepped to the edge of the side walk which gave way to what he assumed was the road, but presented itself as a flow of pink lava with the buggies now evolved to yellow dragons. "Lavi, I can't cross…"

"Why not?"

"The road is lava…"

Allen felt what he wanted to believe was Lavi's hand on his shoulder. "This is gonna get kind of gay, dude."

"Wha-?" Allen felt himself hoisted up, or more like he was levitating, and tried to ignore the sneaking sensation that spiders were crawling all over his back. "We're going to die…"

"Nah dude, this is just like Mario."

"Mario?"

"Yeah I just have to jump on the clouds."

"But Lavi, the dragons?"

"Dragons? I see winged turtles. I can take 'em."

"Lavi wait-!"

They bustled across what they hoped for all goodness' sake was Avondale road. Allen clung on tight, completely uncomfortable with Lavi's jumping from one random section of lava to the other, dragons whizzing by and roaring at them if they got too close. Somehow they had managed to cross safely, choosing a quiet spot of turquoise grass to collapse and restore their breath.

Allen opened his eyes, the sky dimming to a weird fuchsia with a blue moon rising over the striped tree tops. All they had to do was lay here until it was over. Two hours, Lavi had said, right? Just two? Maybe not even that much?

"Allen, here." Lavi clipped a handcuff over the younger teen's left wrist.

Allen jerked his already cuffed hand back and gave his friend (who now appeared to not have a face at all) an odd look. "Why did you do that?"

"We already lost Kanda, man. We gotta stick together, no matter what."

Without further complaint, Allen rested back and watched the swirling clouds roil around the moon. The streams of clouds reached down and touched the tree tops, sending a rustling through the bright colored pines. There was a momentary shift, and suddenly the trees looked as though they were communicating with each other, leaning closer and sending leafy whispers into the air. Allen tried to shake his head, not liking the weird sensation the voices brushed on his ear drums. He put his hands over his ears, hoping that would drown them out, but they only intensified and began to pound like dull drums. He couldn't even tell what they were saying, only that it was insulting and he hated the grating sound of it. He hadn't even noticed his eyes were skewed shut until he opened them and saw the very same trees leaning in towards him and cackling at him like maniacal beasts.

_They're not real…_

_ Definitely not real…_

Oh, but they sure as hell seemed real. They gathered and started dancing around him, chanting and laughing, circling closer and closer like they wanted to crush him within their giant rooted feet. The moon centered in the middle of their crowns, bulging and then deflating, like an exaggerated lung and growing ever closer. Allen could swear he heard the moon breathing, mimicking that of Darth Vader's from the classic Star Wars films.

_It's not real…_

_ Not of it is real…_

The laughing and breathing became louder, and the trees were now bending down and gnashing their pointed bark teeth. The moon, going from bright cerulean blue to angry red came careening down in his direction like what he had imagined an asteroid would look like if it ever came crashing to earth. He felt himself hyperventilating, the grass turning to unstable quicksand and attempting to devour his torso. He squirmed, trying to fight back against the hungry sand and giant dandelion vines now swarming around him, snaking around the limbs not yet sunken below ground level.

He let out a shriek, fighting with all his might against the evil attributes trying to take him under. Suddenly a scaly creature with a cyclops eye and webbed ears pinned him down, shaking him by the shoulders and asking: "Dude, you ok? Al, you good?"

Allen pushed the creature off of himself, but to his horror his left wrist was bound to his assailant's by industrial cobweb. "GET OFF ME!" He hit it in the shoulder, earning an "oof" followed by "Allen, what the fuck, dude?"

Why the hell did this… thing… sound so familiar? He surveyed his surroundings, looking for an escape. The trees had closed in a frightening amount at this point, the moon almost about to collide exactly where Allen lay. He frantically fought against the sand, spiders and vines, finding his way to his feet and taking off away from the danger. However the monster was close in tow behind him, drooling and lashing its jagged-toothed tongue at him. The scariest part still was that no matter how much he tugged and pulled against the web keeping them connected it wouldn't give, forcing him to tow the pursuer he was trying to escape from along with him.

He ran as fast as he could, albeit with jerky movements all thanks to his nightmarish cargo which kept struggling against him. From the shadows yellow and red eyes peered out, claws obstructed from the trees and swooped down to try and grab at his arms. Nothing looked right anymore, everything shifting or moving or becoming interlaced with bright patterns. At one point a deranged clown face lurched out and tried to bite him, forcing him to take shelter in what he could see as a yellow blob, sort of resembling the shape of a giant Twinkie.

He tried to get on, but another blob stopped him.

"Dollar twenty five," the blob said.

Allen couldn't really comprehend what exactly was going on, but he nodded dumbly and went into his pocket for some change. He pulled out five pink quarters and handed them over to the man, turning back to see that the monster attached to his arm was also now just a misshapen blob and handing over some quarters.

"Are you still Allen…?" The blob asked in that oh so familiar voice.

"I am Allen… Wait, are you still Lavi?" It occurred to him that the monster (now a blob) was Lavi the whole time, and that he probably looked something about as ridiculous as he was seeing.

"Definitely. I think we're on a bus dude…"

"A bus?"

"Dollar twenty five? That's student bus fare, Al."

Allen stumbled dumbly to the very back, trying to not pay too much attention to the way the "bus", as Lavi had called it, had a narrow hallway that kept expanding out before them. It reached further and further away, leaving Allen to wonder if they would have to travel miles to ever get back out again.

"It's not usually this bad I think…." The blob said, stripes starting to encircle around its now blue form. "I think we just took way too much, since we didn't know what it was. We're just having a really, really fucking bad trip."

"I never wanted to trip…" Allen responded, touching one of the flowers growing out from the bus wall and watching it shrivel upon contact. "More than ever now I definitely don't want to ever again."

"I hear ya. You think Yu's gonna be alright?"

"He found us while thinking his hands were claws. He's probably doing a lot better than us."

It was weird to him just how normal this conversation was. Lavi sounded kind of far away, and there was a slight echo after the end of his sentences, but other than that talking was totally normal.

"You have a bad trip or something back there in Anderson?"

Allen cocked his head. "Hmm?"

"You started screaming and hitting me, dude. It sucked! What'd ya see?"

"Oh…" Allen felt his ear tips heat, the normal reaction being drawn out and causing his nose to tingle. He scratched at it. "I thought you were a lake monster or something… And then trees started attacking me and the moon was crashing down… Oh and I started sinking into quick sand with spiders…"

The blob started sprouting tufts of fluffy down. "Sounds pretty bad. Not gonna lie, right now you look like a lava lamp without a case."

"You're just a fluffy blob."

"Interesting."

"Ya want some molly?"

Allen jerked up from his seat, unsure of who the voice belonged to. He blinked a few times, taking in the surroundings of the smoky room and the sounds of high-beat electronic music thudding dully in the background. The base of it resonated in his joints and vibrated at the very back of his brain.

_Wait a minute…_

Allen stood up, stopping short at the tug on his wrist. Things were starting to look normal… There were traces of color here and there, the shapes were slightly distorted… But he could recognize things!

"I said, ya want some molly?"

His attention was brought back to an oddly dressed girl wearing a tutu, fluffy leg warmers and a rainbow bra made out of beads. "Excuse me?"

"Jesus, do I really gotta repeat myself? Molly. You gonna buy or what?"

Out of curiosity as to why someone was trying to sell him a girl he asked: "Who's Molly?"

"Fuckin' newbs. It's ecstasy, retard. Ya want some or no? Really fuckin' good shit."

Allen sat back down, shaking his head. "No. Nope. Not at all. No thank you."

The girl rolled her eyes and flounced away, leaving Allen alone in his chair. Wait, alone? He held up his left hand to see Lavi's still attached, connecting to the arm of the passed out red head on the floor. Interestingly enough, the older male had somehow managed to lose all but his pants in the ways of clothing. How had they gotten here? Weren't they on the Twinkie or bus or whatever it looked like at the time? Now things were pretty much normal, with the exception of clothes and the fact that he had zero perception of their location. He tried to think back beyond the point of being on the bus, but nothing came to him.

Frustrated, he bent down and started shaking Lavi.

"Wake up. Lavi, wake your arse up."

"Hng."

"Get up you big, stupid thing!" He shook extra hard, patting Lavi's cheek with a bit more zeal than was probably needed.

"I-I'm up… I'm up, dude… Jesus." The older teen seemed to struggle to keep his eye open. "Fuck… Where are we?"

"I don't know. But your clothes are missing."

Lavi bolted upright. "What?" Sure enough, as Allen had noticed earlier, Lavi was wearing nothing but his jeans and the star necklace that commonly adorned his neck. "Dude, where the fuck are my clothes?"

"No idea."

"I left my wallet at home, right?"

"I think so…" Allen though back, struggling to recall the memories of their earlier day. "Yeah, you left it at your house before we went to Daiysia's."

"Oh thank Christ."

"Stop with the Jesus badmouthing."

"Hush or I'll badmouth you." Lavi brushed his hair back from his forehead, getting a better look at the place. "Oh shit dude… I know where we are!"

"You do? Where?" Allen felt a slight blip come back into his heart beat, glad things were starting to return to normal. Kind of…

"Yeah… The Motor venue in Seattle- Hey you!" Lavi called out to a scantily clad girl in vibrant green hot pants and ripped sleeves. "What's the event tonight?"

She smiled and rolled her head a little, leading Allen to believe she was either drunk or under the influence of something. "You guys must have been fuuuuucked."

"Yeah, yeah. We know." Lavi brandished his hand formally, gesturing to himself. "Could you please tell me though? We kinda wanna get on home."

"Booooooring. Boooo." The girl giggled then slinked over like a cat. A really drunk cat. "But if you really gotta know, it's the Rainbow Road Rave. You guys must have known the guy at the front to get in since you don't have stamps… Or you snuck in…?" She laughed again, an obnoxious sound that made Allen's ears ring slightly.

"We really don't know." Lavi smiled, striking a bit of a pose. "Just kinda, goin' with the flow, ya know?"

"Lavi, quit hitting on girls and start finding a way back." Allen snorted.

"Come on, Al. We're already here-"

"No, we don't know what else might have been stuck in us while we were passed out. I want to go home." He crossed his arms and scowled, earning a sigh from his friend in return.

"Good point. Alright then…" He pointed to the girl.

"Ladybug." She slurred out.

"Right. Raver names... Anyway, Ladybug," Lavi gave what Allen assumed was supposed to be a wink. "Me and my compadre would like to get back to Redmond. Any busses you know that run this late?"

"Not to that butthole town." She could never seem to keep her mouth closed, and her body wouldn't stop sensually twisting slowly against the wall. Allen was severely worried Lavi might ditch their survival plan for some shroomhead going around practically naked.

"So… No busses?" Lavi suggested unhelpfully.

"Nahhhhhh. But you can ride me, handsome." She grinned, flashing pearly whites that had gone un-straightened for what Allen felt was much too long.

"Not tonight, but you should definitely Facebook me!" The girl pulled out a marker and scribbled something on Lavi's arm, then grinned again and slunk out of the smoky room. "I'm definitely getting laid tomorrow."

"Can we go now?" Allen tugged on the handcuffs, trying to get his shirtless friend out of the place before he was hit on anymore. "By the way, now that I'm feeling better… Why the hell did you have handcuffs on you?"

"The time and place is not an option, but nonetheless a man should always be prepared."

Allen tried not to gag as he pushed out any thoughts of his friend's not so ideal sex life.

They made their way through sweaty crowds of people dancing to happy hardcore and turned down all the offers of joining in a "cuddle puddle". Finally they were able to make it outside and get in big gulps of fresh air, the slight breeze being welcomed on their heated bodies. Lavi had taken a shirt from a big pile he'd found in the smoke room, but it had no buttons for some reason so he just looked like a sleazebag walking around with no undershirt. The material however was ingenious, stretchy to the point where Allen was able to squeeze through one of the short sleeves so his counter part could get it on even in their cuff-link connection. Allen had prodded him about the wrongs of stealing, but the red head had voted him down and taken the stretchy shirt regardless.

"Alright we're practically on Occidental street, so if we start heading north we'll eventually find our way to Westlake and then can wait there for the 545 back to Redmond." Lavi glanced up at a street sign then led Allen along through their linked connection.

"I have to use the restroom." The younger teen said.

"Well then piss, dude. It's Seattle, no one cares."

"But that's disgusting! Aren't there any toilets around here?"

"At this hour? Not likely. Make like the homeless and find a nice tree."

They roamed for a bit, finding an out of the way alley Allen could relieve himself in without embarrassment. He still got bothered by Lavi not only standing directly behind him, but practically holding his hand while he peed, yet the need was more urgent than his preferred comfort zone at the moment. He zipped up and grabbed a tissue from his pocket to wipe his hands on then checked his phone.

"You still have your phone?" Lavi observed.

"I'm shocked too. Blimey, it's one thirty in the morning! We've been out for a while… What even happened between the bus trip and that Motor place?" He hadn't known what kept him so long from asking Lavi about the missing pieces, though now was as good a time as any.

"A while after we got on you said the seat was trying to eat you, so you tried to eat it back. And then you freaked the fuck out and they kicked us off , but after that I don't recall anything." Allen huffed, and the red head shrugged. "Hey we're safe now, right?"

"Wrong."

The two turned about, Allen hesitating a moment to be sure all his parts were back in his trousers. The opening to the alleyway was blocked by two scruffy looking ruffians wearing clothes similar to those worn by the druggies in the Motor venue, but with much darker colors.

"Oh hell…" Lavi cursed.

"Let's make this quick, gentlemen." The taller one with black hair cut into ragged chops snapped a pocket blade out and pointed the tip at the two teens. "Any money in yer pockets, any cell phones hidin' in ye panties, and valuables in general you'd be best to hand over to me an' Jazzy here."

"Hand 'em over! Hii!" The shorter one with long blond hair and weird stitch piercings over his mouth that made him look like a voodoo doll picked a small gold colored gun from inside his jacket and cocked the safety.

"I gotta gun too, so if ye don't wanna be shot with holes, ya better start givin' us some goodies." The darker one grinned, reaching his free hand behind him as if he was going to grab his rumored weapon.

Lavi stood stock still, seeming to be frozen by the fear of the two muggers, but Allen stepped up, putting his right hand on his hip and sighed heavily. "We don't have anything, you idiots."

"Hii?" Jazzy, as the dark one had called him, gave a confused look to his colleague. "Devit, they aren't cowarin' like ye said they would!"

"Jasdero, ye ain't tryin' hard enough!" Devit, as the blond addressed him, grabbed the gun behind him with his free hand and fired off a shot in the direction of Lavi and Allen.

The pair instinctively dropped down, grabbing their heads while developing a rather bad case of the shivers. Allen felt his heart pounding like erratic fireworks in his chest, suddenly fearing this would be the end of everything. Killed in a Seattle alleyway by two gun toting morons after barely making it alive out of a surprise acid trip? This was nothing like how he had thought it would go…

Another shot fired off, and Lavi whimpered briefly before handing over a quarter. "That's all I have! Promise! My friend doesn't have anything, either!"

Allen could feel the shape of the phone in his pocket burning into his flesh. Was he really going to risk death over a phone? Well to hell with handing it over! He had paid for it himself out of his own pocket! And even paid his own bills every month! These guys didn't deserve his phone.

"I think they're keepin' somethin' from us, Jazzman." Devit now directed the barrel straight at Allen's throat, the white haired male unable to look away from the deep blackness within that very well would be the source of his death. "Even a grimy beggar got more in his pockets."

Allen tried to keep calm as the taller assailant stepped forward, kneeling down in front of him and pushing the barrel right up to his temple. _This is it… This is the end… I'd give anything to be back to tripping on that acid right now…._

Suddenly there was a '_crack'_ and the blond one was on the ground. A hooded figure in dark clothes stood over him, brandishing a metal baseball bat.

"Who the hell are you?" Devit, now distracted from Allen, turned about and ran after the mysterious man dressed in all black, pointing up his gun to aim and fire. "Eh? Ya wanna die?" He fired two shots, each dodged gracefully as the man in black barrel rolled to the side then used the corner meeting of the ground and the alley wall to propel himself forward and knock the dark haired mugger with the butt of his bat. Devit fell like a sack of potatoes, the gun falling off to the side.

Allen stared, awestruck at the savior of him and his best friend. Lavi removed his arms from over his head, peering out to see both thieves battered unconscious.

"Oh my God, we're alive…"

"yeah…" Allen squeaked.

They hugged tightly, giving masculine pats and laughing hysterically.

"WE'RE NOT DEAD!" Lavi grabbed Allen by both cheeks of his face and looked at him with mock endearment. "If you were a woman I'd kiss you like at the end of one of those hero movies."

"Get off, stupid." Allen was still smiling, playfully shoving his friend away from him. He then looked up to the man standing over them, the individual who had single handedly saved their lives and his phone. "How can we ever thank you?"

"Well, for one you can come and study when we schedule a tutoring session."

Allen blinked, confused at first by the voice and demeanor of the man's statement.

"Huh?"

"Oh shit, Allen that's-!"

Lavi's explanation was cut short as the dark hero removed his hood to reveal someone who which both Allen and Lavi were very familiar with.

"Link!" Allen stood up, pulling Lavi along with him. He studied the braided blond hair, the two moles atop the man's forehead, along with the odd eyebrows that arched in a way that always made him look cross to be sure this was in fact Howard Link, his math and science tutor. He rubbed his eyes to convince himself this wasn't some extended effect of the acid, and was elated to find this was the real deal. "What on earth are you doing in Seattle?"  
"I could ask you the same, Walker." The man crossed his arms, responding in that snide way he did when he called Allen by his surname. "We were supposed to meet at the library today around seven. I waited for two hours and you never showed up, so I thought I'd visit with my little sister who lives around here. It was getting late though, so I was going to drive back home."

"Had no idea you had a little sister…" Lavi intelligently responded.

Allen rolled his eyes and stepped forward, scratching the back of his head nervously. "You wouldn't believe the night we've been having. Stroke after stroke of bad luck since five, and it hadn't stopped until you saved us from those hooligans. By the way, are you some kind of martial arts master or something..?"

"No." Link deadpanned. The twenty one year old man had a tendency to give off a cold demeanor despite Allen knowing the inner softie that was buried within. "Not a master, but I do partake in classes. It comes in handy when you have friends that can't keep themselves out of trouble." He looked pointedly at Allen then sighed as if the whole venture had bored him. "Really, you can't seemed to go somewhere without getting bullied or back off when things get dangerous. It's annoying."

Allen laughed nervously, feeling a little spark of indignation at Link's remark of his incapability of defending himself. "Ok, ok, I get it. Did I hear you correctly about how you drove here? With a car? Maybe your own car…?"

Lavi nodded profusely. "Yes, yes! Please! Dude, if you drive us home I'll pay you whatever you want! Seriously, you'd be doing us a huge favor!"

"I owe you no favors, Bookman Junior." Link scowled at the red head like he smelled bad. "I already saved you two from muggers, now you want a car ride?"

The youngest alleyway occupant released a heavy breath that he tried to fill with as much despair as possible. "No, no. Lavi, he's absolutely right. He's already done so much for us. Link," Allen walked up to his weekend tutor and held out a hand accompanied by a solemn smile. "Thank you very much for saving our lives, we'll find our way back home."

Link turned away, a slight tick piquing in his right eyebrow. "W-well, yeah. You should be able to fend for yourselves…"

"I'll be sure to make it to the next tutor session… as long as I'm not in the hospital." Allen gripped the fabric over his chest and looked to the ground, avoiding eye contact with Lavi or Link, knowing Link would be grimacing and Lavi would be staring at him in confusion. "With all this running around, it's really gotten to my lungs… And earlier this evening someone drugged us and then we got lost and Seattle and almost killed by those thieves!" He sniffed and let a tear fall from one eye, feeling the guilt radiate off Link's stiff form. "Having to sit around Westlake until morning shouldn't be too hard… Well except for all the homeless people wanting to knife us for cash we don't have- Oh, we don't even have money for bus fare! Lavi, I think we're just gonna have to hoof it all the way back to Redm-"

"Alright!" Link held up both his hands, a defeated expression creasing his features. "I'll drive you guys back. But no funny business in my car, you got it? That vehicle was given to me by my boss for public appearances, and if one thing happens to it I'll fry you both." He heaved a groan and started stomping off, being closely trailed by the enlightened Lavi and Allen.

"Link, thank you so much!" Allen ran up and hugged the blond man from behind with one arm since his other was still chained to Lavi. "I'll never forget this, ever."

"Yeah, yeah. Just make sure to come to your study sessions from now on. Also… Why are you two tied together?" Link side stepped out of Allen's hug and looked at them with an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, dude, we're not gay for each other." Lavi immediately responded.

Allen smacked his forehead and felt his ears flush in embarrassment. "Classy, Lavi. Real classy."

"What?" Lavi grinned sheepishly and tried to present their case to their rescuer. "Ya see, Daiysia gave us these cookies, and without our knowledge he totally laced them with weird shit. We're guessing like LSD or shrooms or something, ya know? We lost Yu, and to make sure we stuck together, I handcuffed our wrists like this." He raised their cuffed hands as if it proved his explanation. "So ya see, I'm not trying to make any moves on Allen."

"Why would Link even think you were trying to make moves on me?" Allen jutted in.

"No, dude I was just-"

"Yes, I would too like to know why you'd assume I would assume that you were after Walker." Link remarked.

"No, it wasn't for any reason, really! Just in case, I didn't want people to think we were like, I dunno, dating or something! Cuz we're not!" Lavi's voice had risen to a desperate shout.

"I suddenly feel very uncomfortable being handcuffed to you." Allen said.

"He's a predator." Link added.

"Guys!"

Link strutted ahead, leading them towards wherever his car was parked with Allen close behind and Lavi stuttering in tow. The one eyed male tried to defend his case for the entire fifteen minute walk it was to the parking lot, Allen finally getting sick of it and putting a hand over his friend's yammering mouth.

"Don't. scratch. My. Car." Link pointed his key at both of the younger boys, not an ounce of fun welded into his voice. "Don't stain the inside, don't mess with anything in the back seat, you treat this car as you would treat a three hundred dollar rented tuxedo. Except even better"

"Understood." Allen reported, opening the back door with care and climbing in. Lavi scooted in next to him and they spent a good few moments trying to figure out how to get seatbelts in with practically only three arms. Link ignited the engine and backed out, heading north so they could get up and out of the skyscraper infested city. After about ten minutes of driving and calming down, Allen turned over the Lavi and asked if he could undo the cuffs now.

"Oh, yeah! Why the hell didn't I think of that earlier…" The red head started searching his pockets.

"Obviously because you enjoy being so close to Walker." Link smugly remarked from the driver's seat.

"Hey, who got all puppy eyed and soft when he thought Allen might be in 'danger'?" Lavi barked back, starting to pull his pockets inside-out. "Oh balls…"

"You lost the keys, didn't you." Allen didn't even have to look away from the window to know his idiot friend had doomed them to an eternal fate of being stuck together.

"We can figure this out... Oh! No worries!" Lavi snapped and Allen could almost hear his crooked grin. "I have a spare at home. You know, in case some crazy bitch ever kept me cuffed to my bed post."

"I thought you liked boys." Obviously Link was enjoying teasing the hell out of Lavi.

"Link, I am right now heralding you as the Batman of Washington, but if you don't quit gay bashing me I'm gonna have to go Iron Man on your ass."

"You'd actually have to have money to be Iron Man," Allen offered.

"Why are you guys doing this?" Lavi slunk against his side of the car. "Allen, I thought we were a team, man!"

"You handcuffed me to you and instigated a plan in which I got drugged and forgot most of the night. I also probably got raped."

"Al, I would never let you get raped, man."

"You don't remember what happened after the bus either, so for all you know I got raped in an alley!" the younger shouted.

"Yeah, but even in my sub consciousness I'd keep your schoolboy ass safe from rapists and shit!"

"Share not what is most wanted." Link snickered.

"FUCK YOU, MOLEY!" Lavi screeched, his cheeks a noticeable shade of red and a look of actual anger on his face.

Allen held up his hands and tried to calm his friend down. "Ok, ok, we're sorry, alright? We're just picking on you."

"I was serious." The driver defended.

"Link."

"Sorry."

A few minutes after their spat, Allen asked about the baseball bat Link had carried around to defeat the criminals with.

"I brought it to get a mouse in Tevak's apartment."

"Tevak?" Lavi held a finger to is chin, thought a moment, and then snapped upon appearing to have recognized the name. "The really cute chick with thick blond hair, right? Whoa, is she your girlfriend?"

The stern driver made a choking noise and started coughing. Allen pinching the bridge of his nose said: "Lavi. Tevak is Link's little sister."

"Oh." The red head looked embarrassed and avoided any further eye contact. "Geez, I'm just on a fuckin' roll tonight, huh?"

They drove past the edge of Puget Sound, crossing the bridge that would lead them on the right track towards Redmond. Allen looked out the window at all the fancy houses on Mercer Island, wondering which, if any of the ones he could see, belonged to Bill Gates. The water was dark and calm looking, though a seemingly endless black abyss that disappeared over the dim horizon into the sea. Having already spent the last twelve hours or so absolutely paranoid, Allen couldn't help but imagine the bridge beneath them collapsing, sending the vehicle and all of its occupants to the murky waves. He shook his head, suddenly very afraid they were going to start drowning any second. The bridge wasn't too long though, and soon enough solid ground met with the tire wheels and Allen took in a breath of relief.

They were finally on their way back home… He couldn't wait to slink into his shabby bed at Cross's apartment and fall into a deep sleep. He watched the trees go by on the side of the freeway, noticing the very small amount of cars driving about this hour. When they were only about ten minutes from Lavi's house, the red head poked Allen in the side to get his attention.

"I say we just crash at my place tonight. I'll unlock this shit, and then we can sleep for the whole day. Seems a hell of a lot easier than heading all the way back across town to Cross's and trying to explain this mess to him."

Allen thought about it, knowing his uncle would be on him like a hawk if he dared to walk in at this hour. "I suppose you're right… He's not the most agreeable person…"

"We've been having a lot of those lately…" Lavi mused.

Link had taken them to the front of the elementary school, glancing back at his extra cargo. "It's only a few blocks from your house, right Junior?"

"Don't call me Junior, man it's weird." The one eyed red head stuck out his tongue as if to accentuate that the name left a weird taste in his mouth. "But yeah, this should be good. Thanks a bundle, dude."

"Yes, thank you very much." Allen gave a smile and a polite sort of salute. "I'll cook or something next study session."

"You better." Link grumbled.

Allen and Lavi exited the car, about to head off before a loud cracking sound split the night air.

All three young men stared off in the direction they had heard the sound, followed by a "FOUND YOU!"

"Oh fuck, dude! It's Daiysia!" Lavi darted towards the elementary school courtyard, forcing Allen to follow him.

"Is that a gun!" Allen felt his heart beat stop for a second as another crack rounded off, very much sounding like a gun shot.

"He's got a bee bee gun, we better tail it faster!"

The two loped as fast as they could, hearing the cracking sound go off every now and again, each time getting closer and closer. A few times it hit objects close to them, creating a new surge of urgency in their footsteps.

Allen double took for a second as he thought he saw Link running along side them a bit of a ways across the large grassy field. Sure enough, the blond man was toting his baseball bat and sprinting at a better pace than he and Lavi. Everything was dark with the exception of maybe two or three light posts, so as to where they were even going was impossible to see. But Allen knew that if he couldn't see well in the dark, than neither could Daiysia which gave them a bit of leeway to hide.

Lavi was leading the way now, Allen simply following since he didn't really have any plans. A dim figure of what looked to be a jungle jim rose out in front of them, and the younger teen thanked the heavens for this lovely hiding spot as the bee bee shots reined further behind them. They dove into a tube meant for eight year olds to crawl through during recess hours, settling down and trying to control their breathing so they wouldn't be heard. Allen felt a body that wasn't Lavi's close to him within the tube, slightly grossed out by the idea that he was in such close quarters by what he assumed to be a homeless man.

"Who's there?" The nameless body asked, making Allen jump. However, there was something rather familiar about the growling tone…

"Kanda…?" Allen asked.

"Oh my god, it's you assholes…."

"Yu, it's so good to see you-"

"Pirate-face, shut your fucking trap before that psycho finds us." Kanda snapped, keeping his voice to a low whisper. Lavi didn't respond to the insult directed at his eye patch, leaving Allen to guess he understood the importance of laying low.

Very shortly another figure climbed into the tube, everyone going rigid in the fear that it might be Daiysia.

"That bastard hit my car. Twice." Link snarled in a whisper. "I'm going to kill him as soon as he runs out of those damned bullets."

"Bee bees, cocksucker." Kanda sniped back. "Sit your ass down and shut the fuck up."

Allen could feel Link about to retort and feared a fight might break out between two of the most stubborn people he had ever met, but the blond kept silent and set up next to Lavi, all four males sandwiched uncomfortably close in the short tube.

After a while the shots died down, but still no one moved. Though they had numbers, it was better not to bring a knife to a gun fight, or in Link's case, a baseball bat. They continued sitting for an unknown amount of time, fearing that if they moved or got out, Daiysia would be standing at the ready for them.

After what seemed like a time of about thirty minutes, a few voices could be heard from around the jungle jim. Allen's instant thought was that Daiysia had gone and gathered some of his scum bag friends and ambushed them, but upon listening closely, the voices didn't sound like they were very old…

More voices gathered, and more still. Each of them gave the other a confused glance, except for Kanda who just scowled at everyone. Finally the murmuring died down, and a distinct voice rose above the others.

"Alright, everyone calm down!"

It definitely sounded like it belonged to a younger boy… Not quite elementary, but definitely not adolescent.

"It's about time we kick things off, gentlemen. Leo, can you explain the rules?"

Some shuffling went about for a minute before another young male voice was heard. "Rule number one of Fight Club: Do not talk about Fight Club."

Allen saw Lavi mouth the words 'Fight Club' to him through the dark.

"Rule number two: DO NOT talk about Fight Club," the voice apparently belonging to a boy named Leo continued, "Rule three: If someone says stop, goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over. Rule four: Only two guys to a fight. Rule five: One fight at a time. Rule six: No shirts, no shoes. Rule seven: Fights will go on as long as they have to. Rule eight: If this is your first night at Fight Club, you HAVE to fight."

More hushed murmuring went on, some scuffling that sounded like shoes being removed and shirts being tossed aside, then an organized quiet.

"Alright!" The first voice came again, loud and robust like a circus ringleader. "Who wants to go against our newbie, Timothy?"

Allen leaned forward a little, peering through one of the seams holding the tube together. Outside there was a half circle of about fifteen or so kids, with a clearing in the middle. At the center of said clearing, a short middle schooler with goggles atop his head stood, gesturing to his right where another boy of similar age and long hair stood in a fighting position.

"What's going on out there?" Lavi whispered.

"Middle schoolers…"

"Middle school Fight Club? That's retarded." Kanda sniffed.

"Quiet." Link warned.

Another boy stepped out from the crowd of fifteen or so, a tall and stocky lad with wild hair and tan skin. "I'll take on this wimp."

The goggle wearing boy gave a short whoop of "Go Narein" and stepped out of the ring, holding his arms in an x formation and putting a whistle in his mouth. He blew the whistle and broke his x, signaling the beginning of the round.

Allen watched with intent interest as the young males danced about each other, swinging punches and dodging hits like choreographed professionals. "They're good…" He reported.

"Lemme see…" Lavi got in and stuck his eye to the crack, giving a sort of low whistle. "Damn, dude… I didn't even know shit like this went on…."

"It's fucking stupid. Kids don't know how to fight." Allen stiffened up at Kanda's less than quiet tone, wondering if the testy man was actually trying to get them found out.

"Did you hear that?"

"What?"

The voices surrounding them started up in a mutter again, the sound of scrapping and brawling being replaced by curious whispers. The youngest male's heart beat started throbbing in his ears, scared to death of being found by this big group of middle school fighters. To his horror the foot steps scurried nearer, eventually being spotted by a few of the faces he'd seen outside.

"What the hell?" The boy who had been acting as referee stared at all four of the older males with confusion. "We got spotters!"

The word "spotter" ran amidst the crowd, then died down upon the ref's upheld arm.

"What are you guys doing here. This is our turf."

"My ass it is." Kanda scoffed. Allen wanted to shove a sock in the man's mouth, but was too frozen with fear to do so. "A bunch of little kids running around an elementary school? Very cute."

An angry buzz lifted from the group of underclassmen, and despite the young males being so much smaller than Allen and his friends there were enough of them to take out the good majority of them. Maybe not Link since he had a weapon on hand, but he and Lavi would definitely be boned.

"So you think we're cute, eh?" An angry sneer contorted the goggle-wearing boy's face and he gave a glance to his surrounding crew. Well if we're so damned cute, why don't you take us on? One on one. We'll play by the rules."

"You're seriously asking me to fucking fight you posers?" The white haired boy held himself back from backhanding Kanda upside the head. Was he really going to instigate a fight with these kids after all they had gone through…?

"Damn straight. Since you've discovered us, you have to fight, otherwise we can't let you go alive."

Excitement rustled through the team of underclassmen, a few high fiving and getting pumped up with spike-knuckled gloves. _What the hell is wrong with this generation,_ Allen couldn't help but wondering. They had survived acid, being lost in Seattle, a mugging, and now they were going to be killed by middle schoolers.

"Fine then, fuckwad, I'll take you on." Kanda slipped out from the tube and towered over the many kids, glowering down at them as if that would make his situation any better. "But I'm taking on your loud mouthed leader with the faggotty goggles, since you were so fucking set on having me fight."

Seeing how they had already been caught, the rest of the gang hiding out in the tube exited, Allen and Lavi receiving a good number of stink eyes directed at their handcuff dilemma. A pair of kids yanked Link's baseball bat away, leaving all of them absolutely defenseless. Well if worse came to worse, Allen thought, Link would probably be able to fight them all off with those mad martial arts skills he'd shone in the alleyway. Or at least a few… He'd never thought over the prospect of fighting off an army of pre-teens before…

Kanda and the previous ref squared up on the playground, immediately being surrounded by a rowdy swarm. They had already taken off their shirts and shoes as had been required in the rules, a very distinct difference being seen between Kanda's buff, muscular form and the other kid's, well…. Not as buff and muscular frame… Link, Lavi and Allen stood a bit of a ways back, not wanting to get swept up when things got too crazy. Goggles boy (or Jean, as Allen had heard quite a few kids chant his name), cracked his knuckles and neck, glaring at Kanda for all he was worth. Kanda did the same, but with an ugly snarl that wouldn't seem to go away. Leo had taken place as ref, holding up his hands to steady the crowd and ease the tension gripping the atmosphere.

"Jean versus Asian Butthole Man!"

"Hey-!"

"Are both members ready?" Leo cut off Kanda before he could give any retort to the ridiculous nick name bestowed upon him. Jean and Kanda tensed up, the ref giving them a good look up and down before blowing the whistle to commence the fight's start.

Now Allen was positive he knew exactly how this would go. Nineteen year old Kanda against something like an eleven year old kid? Not to mention Kanda got into a pretty fair deal of scraps, and toted his most likely illegal sword with him almost every time he went out. This match was unfairly set up for Kanda's victory, but at the same time Jean had egged the hot headed samurai wannabe and would very soon be punished for such actions. Or… so Allen had thought…

At the whistle's blow, the much shorter boy side stepped a well aimed punch by Kanda and dipped back in to punch the older male's stomach. Kanda gave a visible huff, double tapping back down where the sprout had been, only to be punched in the face by his miniature opponent. He twisted to where Jean had ducked simply to be outwitted once more as the young boy shot a false jab at the man's knees before rounding back up to square Kanda on the jaw. Allen felt his mouth drop open and his eyebrows raise, entirely blind sighted to the outcome of this fight. Was Kanda really getting his ass kicked by some eleven year old? Was this actually happening or was this some sort of awesome dream he was having? Curses rang out as time after time Kanda got socked in the face or stomach, at one point even being tripped by the smaller male causing him to lurch out at the rascal's feet in retaliation. Not a single hit landed on Jean as he fancy footed his way about the increasingly pissed off teenager. Kanda let out an immature screech, launching off the ground to land a hefty solid to his annoying enemy's face. Jean dropped quickly, but was caught in the side by a swift kick. The boy skidded a bit before getting his bearings and throwing a punch at Kanda's abs before pulling back without impact and hitting lower. Much lower…

"FUCK-!"

Allen winced and smiled at the same time, watching as his disagreeable companion got full on whupped in the groin and fell to the ground coughing and cussing. Lavi pawed near his own private area and Link shied away, holding a hand over his mouth.

"Do you tap out?" Leo knelt a little over Kanda, Allen being able to see the snide grin shining through the kid's face.

"Fuck you cocksuckers…"

"Do you want us to stop?"

"Suck my ass, buttwhipe…"

"So keep going?"

"Fuck…"

"I didn't hear stop…"

"…"

"Alright Jean, he won't surrender so you can finish him." Leo backed off, having Jean (still wearing his goggles after all that… Wow this kid had a severe dedication to fashion) retake his fighting stance across from Kanda.

Kanda looked like he was trying to pick himself off the ground, but as soon as he made it to standing upright, Jean lunged at him and gave him a fowl kick to the already sore spot and landed the Japanese man right where he had started. Now Allen was starting to feel a soft spot in his heart for his not-so-good-friend, sensing an ache form in his pelvis just from watching Kanda's take such a beating. At this point their Asian fire cracker wasn't making any noise, just taking up the fetal position on the ground as his face turned a painful shade of red.

"Should I…?" Link pointed at Kanda with slight concern on his face, Allen and Lavi nodding dumbly as they watched their companion get picked up off the ground and lead some place else where he wouldn't get ball smashed a third time. From a thicket of bushes Allen could hear the defeated man throwing up whatever he may have had in his stomach and watched as a grimacing Link backed away from the area. A heavy feeling pitted in his belly as he watched the middle school Fight Club's gaze settle on him and Lavi.

"Which one of you is next?" Jean huffed severely, an intensity shining through his lethal eyes of which the likes Allen had never seen before.

"Uh, we can't fight." Lavi proclaimed, holding up the cuffed link between him and the white haired teen. "Only two men to a fight, remember? And we can't take off our shirts due to this whole hand-cuffed thing we got goin' on. Also I lost the key, and I'm pretty sure the rules tap out anyone who can only fight with one hand. But I can promise ya we won't say shit! Seriously, dude. I've seen Fight Club like a billion times and have mad respect for Brad Pitt. I'd never break the Fight Club's rules, scrapper's honor." He held up a hand and the gang of kids muttered amongst themselves.

"You have to fight, or we kill you." Leo noted with a remarkable lack of emotion. Allen huddled closer to his forced companion, fearing the cracking of knuckles and fist pounding ensuing around them.

"That's psychotic, yo! You aren't supposed to kill bitches in a real Fight Club! That's why there's a 'tap out' rule!" Lavi seemed to be defending their case on a level Allen didn't understand, but right now it was all they had.

"We're not playing pretend or following a movie, dumbass." The newbie from earlier, Timothy, stepped forward and grinned. "We made our own Fight Club with our own rules. So you either fight, or die."

Lavi and Allen backed up a few paces as middle schoolers started to encircle them. The youngest teen felt Link against his back, suggesting the blond had been rounded back into the mess and they were surrounded at all angles. "They're like the fucking children of the corn…" Lavi whispered.

Just as they were completely squished together and about to be pummeled by up-raised fists and gritted teeth, a shot rang out through the dark summer night air. Instantly Allen thought it was Daiysia and gave up on any thought of seeing the sun rise over the horizon again. Lavi and Link had gone rigid beside him as well, but the group of kids had wobbled out of violent unison and now searched their surroundings for where the shot could have come from.

"Break it up! Everyone go home!" A tall man with long curly hair in a classy looking business suit strode into the playground (more like arena), and brandished what looked to Allen like a very real gun. Protests and outbursts of fear rang out as all the middle schoolers dispersed and ran in every possible direction, their destinations unknown.

The two teens and one young adult grouped together, too scared to run off anywhere as their previous assailants had. The new threat glided into better view, recognition crossing Allen's mind.

"Mr… Mr. Mikk?"

The gun wielding man double took at Allen's words, then stepped closer and studied his face. "Boy! What in the hell are you doing out here at this time? Don't tell me you were part of that group of fighting kids…"

"No! God no…" Allen sighed in relief at the sight of his English teacher from fourth period, Tyki Mikk. "They were actually going to try and kill all of us until you showed up here!" He felt liked he was going to laugh from hysteria, before coming to terms with how odd this situation was. "M-Mr. Mikk… Why do you have a gun…?"

"Oh." Tyki gave his weapon a swift eyeballing before letting his gaze ease back over to the white haired boy. "I kept hearing rumors that a bunch of middle school students were organizing a group and attacking adults passing by. Also, my niece is in middle school, and my big brother would be down right pissed if she ever got into something like that. She likes to be rebellious…" He drifted off, apparently consulting his thoughts on his rebellious niece before snapping back to reality and smiling at the odd trio. "Any who, I came here to keep the elementary school from being the next big crime spot, but what are you three doing here? I saw you two," he pointed at Allen and Lavi, "earlier on the 545 to Seattle, but it was pretty late so I don't know why you guys would be back so soon-"

"YOU SAW US?" Allen interrupted, lurching up and mindlessly grabbing his teacher's suit. "What were we doing? Do you remember anything strange?"

"You were biting a seat cushion…" Tyki furrowed his brow. "And your eye patched friend there wouldn't stop petting your hair."

Allen and Lavi gave side ways glances at each other before resuming their interrogation. "We got kicked off the bus, right? Did you see anything after that?" Allen continued, trying to pick up from where Lavi had left off.

"Yeah, we got off at the same stop." Tyki reached into his chest pocket and pulled out a cigarette with a lighter. "You mind?" Both Lavi and Allen shook their heads, eager to fill the gaps about their night. "I figured you guys were on of the some weird drugs that kids get into these days. Though I gotta say, Boy, you sure had me surprised."

"We were drugged against our will." The white haired teen defended. "I would never do that of my own accord."

"Hey, outside of the school, I don't give a shit what you do." The tall man of tanned skin took a drag on his cig. "Anyway, you two couldn't seem to decide on what direction you were going, and got picked up by a bunch of other kids in bright colored clothing. Apparently one of them was the DJ to some event that was going on, because he accepted you in and told you guys he'd let you in for free. Though as for what shindig it was, I have no idea. You seemed to be enjoying yourselves regardless."

Lavi and Allen both let out sighs, relieved they hadn't been gang banged or mugged outside of their knowledge. "So that's how we ended up at that weird rave…" Lavi murmured.

Allen felt his heart beat recede a bit, finally coming down to the point where he could question his second rescuer of the evening. "Thank you so much for that, and for saving us. But… What were you doing in Seattle?"

Tyki raised his gun and gave it a careless look. "Sheryl insisted I get one of these to scare off the kids around this area so they wouldn't try to abduct his daughter or some shit. Also I left my car up by his house around there last time so he could get it repaired, otherwise I would have never seen you guys on the bus. Nifty little thing this gun, I gotta say! However it's not very civil." He stuck his tongue out and tossed it in a nearby trash can. "Maybe some lucky maniac will find it, huh? I did what I was asked, so I'm done for weapons for a while"

"You know what, I'll take that." Link reached in and grabbed it out, staring down the looks the hand-cuffed pair were giving him. "What? I have a license and it's better than chancing Daiysia or some other scoundrel getting ahold of it."

"Since when do you have..? You know what, never-fucking-mind." Lavi held up his hand in surrender, Allen sharing the feeling after all the weird events they'd lived through tonight along with the new things they'd learned about some of the people they thought they knew. "Al, let's just try to get home before some horrible monster comes out and eats us or some shit."

"Agreed." Allen stated.

"Hey you guys need a ride home?" Tyki presented his keys and a grin, though Allen wasn't feeling too trusting of anyone who'd had a gun at the moment.

"No offense, Mr. Mikk… I mean, we're really grateful to you saving us and all, but we've been through so much crap tonight. We'd really just rather get on home on our own." Allen could feel the effects starting to wear on his eyelids.

"Totally understandable. You guys have a good night, and I'll see you when the school year starts up again." Tyki saluted then turned and walked off away from the playground which had been a battle field only minutes before.

A quiet fell over the trio until they heard a low groan from the bushes.

"Somebody better go get Kanda." Lavi suggested, dragging Allen behind him as they sluggishly tread over to their injured companion. The red head dipped around the bushes and spoke down to the wound-nursing Japanese man. "Hey, Yu. You wanna just crash it with me and Al? We'll carry you up the hill to my house and you can chill until your balls are feeling a bit better."

Kanda moaned in response, and they took that as a 'close enough'. Link helped Lavi get the man upright since using only one hand was a bit of a hassle with someone as hefty as Kanda. The blond held up his car keys, holding them out like a peace offering.

"I'll drive you guys if I can crash too. I don't feel like driving all the way over to Kirkland to my apartment right now."

"Done and done." Lavi cocked a lopsided grin and the two males lugged Kanda between them whilst Allen was pulled along. They piled into the now shot up Audi with tired resignation, giving cautious surveys to the lightening school grounds to be sure Daiysia wouldn't come at them with some new attack method.

It was a short drive up the hill, but a walk that would have taken about fifteen minutes and Allen was grateful for the saved time. He wanted a bed now, or a floor… Any surface he could pass out on would be wonderful at this sun was starting to come up over the trees, and he was very much done with being awake. Lavi directed Link to which house was his and the car's owner pulled in neatly, setting up the break and killing the ignition.

"Finally." Lavi sighed.  
"Yeah." Allen agreed.

"The end…" Link added in despite his late entry into the craziness.

"Urrrghhh…" Kanda's contribution was silently and unanimously decided to be the most accurate description of the night.

They filed out, Allen practically being dragged like a lifeless doll by his red headed friend, leaving Kanda completely in the hands of Link. They trudged to the door, feet heavy, eyes tired, and bodies just down right exhausted.

"Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up."

_Balls._

_ So. Much. Fucking. Balls._

Allen wasn't one for vulgar language whether in or outside his head, however he was seriously at the end of his limit. He was ready to pass out, forget all this ever happened, and who happens to be standing in the doorway other than the source of all their misery? Daiysia Fucking Barry. _Balls._

"You guys thought you could steal my cookies, huh? The ones I paid a fucking assload for? And just take them? And eat them for yourselves, you dumb shits! Serves you right for messing with-"

Apparently Kanda had mustered up enough energy for one last hurrah, punching Daiysia as good and as hard as he possibly could right in the jaw. The impact was so hard Allen could swear he heard the knuckle-to-bone contact that sent the short man with the jingle hat sprawled out below them.

Everyone stood still for a few moments before Lavi gave a light prod with his foot to see if the guy was alright.

"Out cold, dudes." He and Kanda high-fived (Why couldn't Kanda ever high five Allen?) before the Asian man slumped on Link again and they all shuffled over the terror of their night. Allen momentarily thought of locking the man up in Link's trunk, then decided against it seeing how it would only anger the man further. He took this as a victory of its own and followed Lavi up into the cozy house with the other two in close follow. There was no discussion as to what to do with Daiysia's unconscious form on he cement stairs, the red head simply locking both his doors and all his windows.

Link dropped Kanda off on one of the couches, taking the other one for himself. The wordless arrangement didn't cause any sort of discord, since Allen would be happy so long as he got a pillow of his own. He and Lavi trooped up the stairs to where his friend claimed was the key to free them from their embarrassing predicament.

"At least we were able to stick together." Lavi drawled, obviously just as tired as Allen was.

"I had to pee while holding your hand," the younger complained, still not happy about how much trouble had come from being hand-cuffed to this impossible human being. However, he would admit that being stuck with Lavi had kept them from separating out, and who knew what could have happened if Allen had ended up in Seattle on his own?

The red head brandished the key and gave a weak smile. Without any further word he undid the cuffs and Allen rubbed the raw skin on his already mangled left wrist gently.

"Free at last, eh?" Lavi put the key and cuffs back in a hide away cupboard in his closet. "You gonna be ok after all the crazy shit last night?"

Allen nodded, practically falling asleep while standing up. "Yeah. But let's agree to never do that again. Ever. And we'll never steal food or anything from Daiysia from this point on. Oh, also we shouldn't ever speak about this…. Even the part where Kanda got his nads destroyed by a seventh grader."

"You enjoyed that, huh?" Lavi chuckled.

"I did. Now give me a pillow."

"Awe, you don't wanna snuggle with me on my bed?"

"Lavi, you're my best friend. But after being hand-cuffed to you for an entire night, if I have to spend one more god forsaken minute in the same room as you for the next five hours I might be forced to murder you." Allen pointedly continued to rub at his wrist while his friend laughed and handed him a pillow.

"Ahahaa, got it, man. Alright, well sleep tight. Tomorrow I'm gonna call that Ladybug or whatever the hell her name was and see if any of this trauma earned me a good lay."

"You do that."

Allen gave a little smirk then exited the room and transcended the stairs to where Link and Kanda were already passed out on the couches and snoring. He threw his pillow down, fluffing it up slightly before laying down on the soft carpet and sighing as the tensions of the evening uncoiled from his back.

Finally everything was over… He could rest and sleep off all the turmoil he'd gone through. Hopefully he'd never have to go through anything like that ever again.

Hopefully…

_The End._

**Just for the record, I myself have never done acid. Not really on my list of things to do from what my friends have told me, but hell people do what they do and I certainly am not one to judge. I wrote down a bunch of my friends' stories and picked up a few from forums as to what an acid trip is actually like, especially if you take too much.**

**True surprise acid stories that inspired this story:**

**My friend and a pal of hers bought some weed cookies from some guy and ate them, only to later discover they had acid in them after they started tripping. Her pal had to get into a "rocket ship driven by his dragon mom" while she had to find her way home "through Anderson park while the trees and moon were trying to attack" her. She passed out in our elementary school jungle jim in the big tube kids can climb through. She proceeded to call another friend to come and get her, and after a few minutes of her friend showing up there was an actual middle school Fight Club going on at three in the morning practically right in front of them. They never got involved like Kanda did here, but the fact that middle school fight clubs exist caused me a great deal of entertainment.**

**Another friend of mine asked for a drink from a homeless guy (don't ask me why), so the guy told him to close his eyes and open his mouth (I thought the same thing you're thinking now, why the fuck would he agree to that). So he feels three or four drips on his tongue and the homeless guy just dips out with a "Have fun". My friend spent the next few hours in a daze, waking up in a Seattle rave event at the Motor venue and had to find his way to the bus station and wait for a bus to pick him up first thing in the morning. On the way there a guy mugged him at knife point and took most of his money, but he escaped with enough to get home. He ended up passing out again in a football field and I guess just stayed there for a while until he felt good enough to go home.**

**Moral of the story? Surprise acid fucking sucks elephant dicks. Don't eat strange cookies or trust homeless guys to give you drinks.**

**I don't see a lot of stories that ever involve drugs or just crazy situations that don't need shipping. For one I think drug stories are interesting since it's such a popular part of adolescence, and two I wanted to create a neutral story without any shipping fights or romance of any sorts. Don't get me wrong, I am a hard core shipper, but sometimes a story of some bros getting fucked up is just what needs to happen.**

**Hope you liked it and much as I enjoyed writing it! I want to get better at fan fiction... I can just never get into anything long enough to finish it -_-**

**-Colby **


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